Bits of Yarn, Calico and Velvet Scraps                                                            Page 20

'VISION BEGINS TO HAPPEN IN SUCH A LIFE'

With the death of God, the self is effectively de-

centred and the traditional goal of self-

possession becomes entirely problematic as we

find ourselves straying through an infinite void.

Richard White

Dying is not easy and rising is problematic. Loss of

self is not automatically followed by self regained.

They, the dying and the rising, do not follow one

another neatly, as day follows night. They co-exist.

Where one is, there is the other.

I'm not familiar with this new place. It is a place

that is 'no place'. I like this bare, stripped-back

feeling, now that the wounds are not so raw. I

would not go back, though now I hardly recognise

myself in the mirror.

Analysis may help! It could show me my childhood

fixations and reveal the idols I set up, or, rather,

accepted willingly. Better still, it could reveal to me

the difference between continuing to live what is

now a caricature and the possibility of further

transformation. 'Caricature', not in the sense of an

object of ridicule but in the sense that my past self

is no longer real.